Articles

A Surprising Way to Love Your Wife

In Guys, Home and Family on May 11, 2011 by The Spillover

This blog post from Brian Croft (courtesy of Tim Challies) is definitely worth sharing.

While in Grand Cayman last week for our 15 year (early) anniversary trip, we had an amazing time with great discussions throughout the week.  One particular conversation came from this question I try to ask regularly, but had not for quite some time.  The question was, “What is something practical I can do to make you feel loved and appreciated by me?”  Husbands, are you ready for the first thing out of her mouth?

“Be mindful of the little things you do day to day so that they do not undo what I have spent all day working on.” 

Huh??  That’s right guys.  No..bring me flowers.  No…leave surprising romantic cards.  No…take me out on a date regularly.  The answer above was the surprising first thing out of her mouth.  I inquired more.  She explained how she spends so much time cleaning and picking up after the kids throughout the day only for them to continue to destroy it.

So, she helped me understand the discouragement she feels if I come home for dinner and the first thing I do is carelessly sit all my stuff on the table she had already cleaned 5 times that day.  She helped me realize when I do those things it communicates to her I have not been mindful at all of what she has done to try and keep our house a warm, picked up, restful place.  She was right.

My wife would admit I have grown to be faithful in bringing flowers, cards of encouragement, and date nights out, which she appreciates very much, but what I had failed to realize is how that card of encouragement is less meaningful if in the process of giving her the card I throw my books and bag with sweaty clothes on the dinner table with a complete disregard for her efforts throughout the day.

The lesson to learn, gentlemen, is to make sure we are not making efforts to love our wives and in the process doing something else to make them feel unappreciated.  It would be similar to taking our wives on a date and picking a fight with her.  Or bringing her flowers and making an ugly comment about where she chose to place them in the house.

So, brothers, ask the question this week…if you dare.  Then, continue to ask the question as her answer may change over the years as you move into different seasons of life.  You might stumble upon a very surprising way to love your wife you never knew or had dismissed as insignificant.  Although it may be a surprise, trust me you will still want to know…if you really want to know how to love your wife in ways that makes her feel loved and appreciated.

Good luck, fellas.

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